By now, you know the story of the Mother Letter Project. See the FAQs for more information. Don’t forget to tell us if you are writing or donating.
For today’s Wednesday Mother Letter, I am posting an excerpt of a letter I received yesterday from Linda, at Second Cup of Coffee (a great site). Do you want to read the entire letter? Contribute to the project by writing or donating and you’ll received Linda’s entire letter along with the others. Sounds like a great deal, no?
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Dear Linda in 1992,
Hi. This is from the body formerly known as “you.”
First of all: good news! Your marriage is intact. That doesn’t mean you won’t ever experience choppy waters, but you’ll make it through and come out on the other side a better person. Other encouraging news: he learns to pick up his wet towels! Bad news: Just this week he left dog treats in his pockets which you did not discover until you pulled out the wet, biscuity clothing. One last thing about marriage: you should take that date night thing seriously.
About mothering: I know that some days you feel very content to be a stay at home mother, while other days you feel you might pull your hair out, but just know this: … [this] is something you will never regret. … You will look back on these early years and actually have more affirmative feelings than regret, and that is saying a lot from someone who has at least half of her life behind her now.
Number one piece of advice: You know how you read to them at a ridiculously early age? Very good move. Read all the time, holding them on your lap. This is may be the best thing you’ll ever do because you’re enriching them intellectually and emotionally. Plus you get to smell their hair, rock them and hug them a lot. It is heaven on earth, isn’t it? It will be your favorite memory of mothering and your most profound bonding experience, even more so than nursing.
Now, having said all that, I want to say that you need to stay connected to other adult women, even though you’re an independent spirit who is pretty content at home and doesn’t need daily chit chat or a girls’ night out in the bars. You do need the friendships of other women; you just don’t know it yet. So even if it’s once a month, find a way to connect. When your children leave home, you will find your friendships to be meaningful beyond words. Your husband cannot meet every emotional need and will not understand the things that thrill you and your friends, like a great find at Ikea or trouser jeans. And that is OK.
…
I encourage you to talk to them more about sex, beginning at an early age. Even though they don’t want to talk about it, and neither do you, particularly, it’s not a talk you should have once or twice and rarely ever again. This will be one regret that you have. Keep the topic on the front burner so that you can pick up the conversation at any time without it being a weird moment. Sex is everywhere; you cannot hide them away from objectification and relentless temptation. You need to step up here, Mom.
…
Finally, let me clue you in on a decision that you’re making. You’re not done yet, but you will be by the ripe old age of 30, which is what you wanted. That is, there’s a third one coming in late 1992, but I won’t spoil your surprise by telling you the gender because you always liked the big reveal to happen at delivery. What? You’ve never heard the term “big reveal?” You’re a little behind the times, aren’t you? That’s a casualty of momhood; it leeches coolness and pop cultural awareness from you….
You have a good life, and as much as you might want to roll your eyes at this, I’m going to say it anyway: These are the best years. Enjoy every moment.
…
See ya in a few years, you cute young thing with wrinkle-free skin.
Signed,
Yourself in 17 years
PS: One last tip: In a couple of years (~1995), white hose will come into fashion. I beg of you–don’t go there.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
I love Linda. I remember reading this on her site and learning a lot from it. And she always knows how to make me laugh.
laugh and cry too. if only we could really receive these letters from our future selves. “something you will never regret” — thanks for the affirmation!